Looks like Sunday night is my writing night around here. I know I've been really neglecting my writing lately. It's tough because work has become so busy, I can barely steal a minute to read a blog or two. Oh well, excuses excuses.
And speaking of excuses, I'm just beating off the guys with a stick right now. Just before logging into blogger I checked my email and there was one from a guy I met recently while volunteering. He asked me if I want to grab coffee sometime or something, he said he wanted to get to know me better. Trouble is, while I thought he was nice, there is just no attraction there on my part. I didn't give him my email - he got it from the volunteer list because he's one of the coordinators. So how do I respond to that?
When word gets out that you're single again suddenly everyone knows a lonely guy they think you should meet. Within the past couple weeks two coworkers approached me about guys (one a best friend's brother, and the other's brother-in-law). The brother-in-law sent me an email asking me if I want to grab coffee sometime (are you detecting a theme here??) But it's hard to be excited when my coworker described him by saying, "I'm going to be honest, he's not the best looking guy" and that he's kept asking her, "don't you work with any single girls?"
Late last Friday night one would-be suitor actually had the courage to ask me in person if I want to "have dinner sometime". Of course, I'm not interested in him either. He is a coworker who I thought was just friendly and I'd been friendly back. Guess he got the wrong idea, or his hopes up anyway. He was a little easier to turn down because I just told him I was interested in someone else, which is true. I am pursuing other interests right now. But it seems like a lame excuse to use over email with guys I barely know. What's a girl to do? I know it sounds silly, but that is one tricky thing I've never found easy - how to politely decline and yet still be friendly, without sending mixed messages? I have to give the coworker a lot of credit because all week he was as normal and friendly as ever, as if there had never been an awkward invitation outside of a local bar.
And speaking of coworkers and invitations, I know you've all been waiting to hear how my lunch went. I don't want to disappoint, but it was rather anti-climactic. We talked, we ate, we walked back. He was super polite and he paid for my lunch, but really, he'd have to come right out and make some sort of serious declaration for me to understand he's interested. Partly I think he might be, but partly I'm just not sure. There has been no follow up or future invitations since but I am going to be patient.
The thing about putting yourself out there in a situation that isn't just a "safe" guy is, if he's not interested, I can't rationalize it any other way than "it must be me". Safe guys are safe because they have other reasons for not getting involved. But I think he's worth the risk so we'll see what happens.
¶ 9:21 PM
Sunday, October 16, 2005
When was the last time you had such a big crush on someone that you felt physically ill when they were around? Never? O.K., I guess it's just me then.
Here's the short version: he's new at my work and I've had my eye on him since he came in for his interview. He's shy and sweet and single. Crushing from afar was working out just fine but now he's asked me out to lunch! We were supposed to go Friday but it's been rescheduled to tomorrow.
When I think about going my stomach twists up into knots. What will we talk about? We're both so shy with each other that we've barely exchanged a few words in the whole month he's been there. Now we're supposed to go to lunch, just the two of us? What if I say something stupid? What if I do something stupid?
I read once that people who have anxiety disorders confuse the feelings of excitement with panic. They are physically similar - racing heart, sweating palms, surging adrenaline. I'm supposed to be excited going to lunch with a nice guy and instead I'm gripped by fear. Sometimes I think I'd rather be alone - this stuff is just too hard.
¶ 8:51 PM
Monday, October 10, 2005
Recently a friend and I innocently stepped into a place to get some lunch and were attacked by onions. Standing at the menu board we both started to feel a familiar stinging sensation in our eyes. We thought someone was cooking or cutting onions behind the counter. The proprieter called us cry babies and opened the door for air. I was confused by this - can people develop an immunity to onions? But I realized later that he thought we were bothered by the smoke from cooking.
As we stood contemplating our orders we were surprised that the onion pain was getting worse and not better. By the time I handed my money to the cashier I was so overwhelmed by onion that I had tears streaming down my face and I could barely open my eyes. The cashier was looking at me curiously and I guess I can't blame her.
Moments later we discovered the source of the problem. Next to the menu board, on a counter, was a large tub of onions stewing in their own juices and inflicting pain on unsuspecting passersby. After we sat down and started to recover we discussed the many mysteries involved in the situation - why were the employees unaffected? Is it possible to adjust or would the pain keep growing worse and worse until it killed you? Why had the guy called us cry babies? Could you use onions as a torture device to glean information from the enemy? And why the heck do onions make you cry anyway? I mean really why? Is there some evolutionary necessity here that I'm just missing? With all the genetic engineering going on these days couldn't someone breed an inoffensive onion? As you can see our onion incident raised some serious questions. But at least our lunch was tasty.
¶ 9:36 PM
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Anyone know what day it is today? I'll give you a hint: it has to do with me turning 30...
¶ 9:31 AM
Sunday, October 02, 2005
I am dangerously addicted to animal crackers. Actually, I am addicted to Stauffer's animal crackers. They have just the right crunch and just the right flavor. I have a bazillion "snack" size bags in my desk drawer at work because my coworker, who I turned on to the addiction, now buys them in bulk and gives me bunches. She always says, "let me know when you are running out of bags because there's plenty more where those came from." She keeps me well stocked. Everyday about 3, I crack open a bag and now I even have some at home too. Ah, partially hydrogenated soybean oil, I just can't get enough. Actually, I'm probably not doing myself any favors with that, but I can't seem to stop eating them.
And speaking of addictive substances, my Swiss roommate brought me back some special "calming" tea from when she went to Switzerland for a friend's wedding. I drank a cup and could barely keep my eyes open. The next day I told her how calming the tea was and how I passed right out after drinking it. I said, "what's in it, drugs?" She laughed and said they are liberal, but not that liberal. But who knows? The box is covered with German, I can't read it. It could list roofies as an ingredient and I wouldn't know it. It could be full of partially hydrogenated soybean oil and I would have no idea.
¶ 7:59 PM