Coffee Table Declarations
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Yesterday morning I had a headache. My usual dilemma with headaches is that if I don't eat a solid meal before taking an advil, I will get sick. So I thought I could just hang in there until lunch time. I don't know why I thought that because so many times I've been through this before where I think I can just wait to take something and then I feel worse and worse.
Before I could eat lunch however, I suddenly took a rapid turn for the worse. I broke into a cold sweat and got all shaky and nauseous. I told the coworkers in my department I wasn't feeling well and everyone kept saying things like, "you don't look well" or "you look pale" or "you look completely ashen". It was all very strange and if I had been of my right mind, I might've gone to look in the mirror because I would like to know what someone looks like when they look "ashen".
Anyway, they sent me home post haste. A block or so from the office, stuck at a red light, I realized that throwing up was inevitable. At first my mind raced to where I could pull over - I was in a residential area after all. Then I glanced quickly around the car to see if there was any sort of container I could use but really, I'm not sure what would be suitable in a situation like that. Finally in desperation I made sure no one was coming and I ran the red light, pulled down a side street where there was a woodsy clearing, hopped out and got sick while crouched down behind my car. Yes I know it's not a very attractive visual, but I'm telling a story here. Anyway, I wondered if anyone could see me, but I just didn't care. I noticed a school not far from where I was squatting. Sorry kids.
I dragged myself back into the car and managed to get the rest of the way home before round two hit. Then I put myself to bed for three hours and woke up feeling perfectly fine. It was just the weirdest thing. I'm guessing it was some sort of migraine. I actually get headaches that make me sick once every couple months or so but it usually hits me at night and I can usually pinpoint a trigger. Anyway, I felt just awful and for the record, I never leave work sick. My last sick day was back in December of '03.
But in retrospect, now that I'm feeling better, the idea of me running a red light and stumbling into the woods to throw up strikes me as a little humorous. But I have an even more humorous story about throwing up and here it is.
Years ago, maybe seven or eight to be exact, I had a first date with a guy who took me to a fine drinking establishment where I proceeded to drink seven white russians. The reason for my excess was that I was so nervous. I have a tendency to get horribly nervous on first (or second) dates and find a bit of courage in a bottle. Luckily, since I haven't been on a first date in 8 million years, I haven't exhibited that unfortunate vice recently.
Anyway, after about six white russians we were having a grand time laughing together like old pals and making friends with strangers. It was the seventh white russian that pushed me over the edge. We decided to call it a night and he drove me home. As we were getting closer I started to feel worse and worse. It got to the point where I wasn't even talking because I was afraid to open my mouth. When he pulled up in front of my house (my parents house to be exact because that's where I was still living), I turned to him, said "thanksIhadagreattime", jumped out of the car and practically ran up the front walk and into the house.
In the bathroom which happens to be adjacent to my parents bedroom, I kept knocking things over and making all kinds of noise in addition to the lovely throw up noises. I was thinking "oh my gosh, they are going to know I'm drunk for sure." The next day I casually told my mom, "I'm sorry if I woke you up when I got in last night, I accidentally knocked something over in the bathroom," to which she replied, "no I didn't hear a thing". And then, surprisingly, the guy asked me out for a second date anyway, even though he probably thought I was an alcoholic of some sort.
Now I would like feedback on two things - one, what sort of medical diagnosis would you make about my incident yesterday? It wasn't something I ate - the only thing I had eaten that morning was an odwalla breakfast bar. And secondly, I would really like to hear other people's funny stories about getting sick because misery loves company and I don't want to think I'm the only one who has humorous throw up stories.
Before I could eat lunch however, I suddenly took a rapid turn for the worse. I broke into a cold sweat and got all shaky and nauseous. I told the coworkers in my department I wasn't feeling well and everyone kept saying things like, "you don't look well" or "you look pale" or "you look completely ashen". It was all very strange and if I had been of my right mind, I might've gone to look in the mirror because I would like to know what someone looks like when they look "ashen".
Anyway, they sent me home post haste. A block or so from the office, stuck at a red light, I realized that throwing up was inevitable. At first my mind raced to where I could pull over - I was in a residential area after all. Then I glanced quickly around the car to see if there was any sort of container I could use but really, I'm not sure what would be suitable in a situation like that. Finally in desperation I made sure no one was coming and I ran the red light, pulled down a side street where there was a woodsy clearing, hopped out and got sick while crouched down behind my car. Yes I know it's not a very attractive visual, but I'm telling a story here. Anyway, I wondered if anyone could see me, but I just didn't care. I noticed a school not far from where I was squatting. Sorry kids.
I dragged myself back into the car and managed to get the rest of the way home before round two hit. Then I put myself to bed for three hours and woke up feeling perfectly fine. It was just the weirdest thing. I'm guessing it was some sort of migraine. I actually get headaches that make me sick once every couple months or so but it usually hits me at night and I can usually pinpoint a trigger. Anyway, I felt just awful and for the record, I never leave work sick. My last sick day was back in December of '03.
But in retrospect, now that I'm feeling better, the idea of me running a red light and stumbling into the woods to throw up strikes me as a little humorous. But I have an even more humorous story about throwing up and here it is.
Years ago, maybe seven or eight to be exact, I had a first date with a guy who took me to a fine drinking establishment where I proceeded to drink seven white russians. The reason for my excess was that I was so nervous. I have a tendency to get horribly nervous on first (or second) dates and find a bit of courage in a bottle. Luckily, since I haven't been on a first date in 8 million years, I haven't exhibited that unfortunate vice recently.
Anyway, after about six white russians we were having a grand time laughing together like old pals and making friends with strangers. It was the seventh white russian that pushed me over the edge. We decided to call it a night and he drove me home. As we were getting closer I started to feel worse and worse. It got to the point where I wasn't even talking because I was afraid to open my mouth. When he pulled up in front of my house (my parents house to be exact because that's where I was still living), I turned to him, said "thanksIhadagreattime", jumped out of the car and practically ran up the front walk and into the house.
In the bathroom which happens to be adjacent to my parents bedroom, I kept knocking things over and making all kinds of noise in addition to the lovely throw up noises. I was thinking "oh my gosh, they are going to know I'm drunk for sure." The next day I casually told my mom, "I'm sorry if I woke you up when I got in last night, I accidentally knocked something over in the bathroom," to which she replied, "no I didn't hear a thing". And then, surprisingly, the guy asked me out for a second date anyway, even though he probably thought I was an alcoholic of some sort.
Now I would like feedback on two things - one, what sort of medical diagnosis would you make about my incident yesterday? It wasn't something I ate - the only thing I had eaten that morning was an odwalla breakfast bar. And secondly, I would really like to hear other people's funny stories about getting sick because misery loves company and I don't want to think I'm the only one who has humorous throw up stories.
