Coffee Table Declarations
Thursday, February 10, 2005
What would you do? I discovered a message on my cell phone from an old friend who I hadn't spoken to in at least three years. By friend I mean that we had some good times together but we were never especially close. Hearing her voice on the message was strange, but stranger still that she sounded disturbed. Something was wrong. I was driving myself crazy wondering what it was. Was she o.k.? Did something happen to someone we know?
When I got home last night I called her back and when I asked how she was doing she told me that she couldn't be worse. She then proceeded to tell me her tale of woe, the part relevant to this story being, she has no place to live. She has been "bouncing around" and she mentioned that she wasn't sure where she could go in a couple of days. She did everything but ask if she could stay at my apartment. Listening to her, I couldn't not offer some help. I didn't have a very good excuse (looking forward to a weekend alone to catch up on some personal things just didn't seem adequate). So I said, "if you need to crash here for a night or two, that's fine."
As you may be able to guess, she will be arriving tomorrow evening. I'm not looking forward to it for a number of reasons. One, we aren't that close so I don't know if I'm supposed to hang out with her all weekend or what. Two, I have to set limits right off the bat. I don't want her to stay past this weekend and I'm not sure how to say that without sounding mean. Three, if she's not in a good mood, what are we going to do? Sit and talk? Watch tv? It's a huge annoyance all around.
On the other hand, if the situations were reversed, I would want someone to do it for me. She must've been pretty desparate to call me out of the blue like that. We used to work together. She always had problems, but nothing this major. The first thing my roommate asked when I told her was "is she going to steal our stuff?" And I couldn't confidently say no. I feel like really, for all the fun we had together - drinking, laughing, etc., - I don't even know her all that well. I feel bad and want to help, but I also feel like I need to be careful about putting myself in an uncomfortable position. I have a hard time figuring out how to help people without hurting myself. Please think good thoughts that my friend will get back on her feet and not overstay her welcome. And while you're at it, just add boundary issues to my list of neuroses.
When I got home last night I called her back and when I asked how she was doing she told me that she couldn't be worse. She then proceeded to tell me her tale of woe, the part relevant to this story being, she has no place to live. She has been "bouncing around" and she mentioned that she wasn't sure where she could go in a couple of days. She did everything but ask if she could stay at my apartment. Listening to her, I couldn't not offer some help. I didn't have a very good excuse (looking forward to a weekend alone to catch up on some personal things just didn't seem adequate). So I said, "if you need to crash here for a night or two, that's fine."
As you may be able to guess, she will be arriving tomorrow evening. I'm not looking forward to it for a number of reasons. One, we aren't that close so I don't know if I'm supposed to hang out with her all weekend or what. Two, I have to set limits right off the bat. I don't want her to stay past this weekend and I'm not sure how to say that without sounding mean. Three, if she's not in a good mood, what are we going to do? Sit and talk? Watch tv? It's a huge annoyance all around.
On the other hand, if the situations were reversed, I would want someone to do it for me. She must've been pretty desparate to call me out of the blue like that. We used to work together. She always had problems, but nothing this major. The first thing my roommate asked when I told her was "is she going to steal our stuff?" And I couldn't confidently say no. I feel like really, for all the fun we had together - drinking, laughing, etc., - I don't even know her all that well. I feel bad and want to help, but I also feel like I need to be careful about putting myself in an uncomfortable position. I have a hard time figuring out how to help people without hurting myself. Please think good thoughts that my friend will get back on her feet and not overstay her welcome. And while you're at it, just add boundary issues to my list of neuroses.
