Coffee Table Declarations
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
Yesterday my town was having a huge festival. In the center which is where I live. As in, blocked to all traffic from 4 - 9 pm. I could've gotten home if I wanted to park a half mile away only to walk home and back later to get my car. So instead, I opted to go to the mall. No need to twist my arm. Actually, I was somewhat aggravated - after a long day there is nothing I like more than to go home and unwind.
Strangely enough, the mall parking lot was not terribly crowded. I guess even during the holiday season a Tuesday evening is not everyone's first choice for shopping. As I milled about in different stores I started to feel as though I might go crazy from the blaring Christmas music. But not half as crazy as the sound of ringing bells was making me. You know - those people that sit and ring the bells over and over and over. Imagine if that was your job? Sit at the mall and ring bells incessantly for several hours.
During college I took a holiday job at the mall. I worked at a company that sold nature items. There were stuffed animals, games, toys, books, decorations, etc., all with a nature theme. It was one of the most boring jobs ever. I had to either stand and greet customers for hours with a puppet on my arm or some other such gimmick, or I had to stand in the back and play with the toys (which may sound like fun, but how many times can you turn over a rain stick and still be entertained?)
One day I was on the cash register which compared to milling aimlessly about the store felt like a day at the beach. Suddenly I was approached by a female customer who asked me, and this is exactly how she said it, I'm not making this up, she said: "Excuse me, do you have any fetishes?" What I didn't know then and what some of you may not realize now, is that a fetish can be a word for a small animal statue carved from wood or similar (see definition one, here). Knowing that this word may be misinterpreted, would you randomly approach a college kid at the mall and ask her if she had any fetishes? Or would you maybe cushion your query with some sort of explanation?
Startled, I asked her to repeat her question and she asked again with no clarification. I think I finally said, "just a minute", found the manager and quietly told him that a woman was asking me if we had any fetishes. I was certain he would kick the customer out of the store for perversity or something. Instead he said in a booming voice, "we have lots of fetishes!" as he showed her to our selection of animal statues. Now if someone asks me if I have any fetishes I know exactly what they mean.
Strangely enough, the mall parking lot was not terribly crowded. I guess even during the holiday season a Tuesday evening is not everyone's first choice for shopping. As I milled about in different stores I started to feel as though I might go crazy from the blaring Christmas music. But not half as crazy as the sound of ringing bells was making me. You know - those people that sit and ring the bells over and over and over. Imagine if that was your job? Sit at the mall and ring bells incessantly for several hours.
During college I took a holiday job at the mall. I worked at a company that sold nature items. There were stuffed animals, games, toys, books, decorations, etc., all with a nature theme. It was one of the most boring jobs ever. I had to either stand and greet customers for hours with a puppet on my arm or some other such gimmick, or I had to stand in the back and play with the toys (which may sound like fun, but how many times can you turn over a rain stick and still be entertained?)
One day I was on the cash register which compared to milling aimlessly about the store felt like a day at the beach. Suddenly I was approached by a female customer who asked me, and this is exactly how she said it, I'm not making this up, she said: "Excuse me, do you have any fetishes?" What I didn't know then and what some of you may not realize now, is that a fetish can be a word for a small animal statue carved from wood or similar (see definition one, here). Knowing that this word may be misinterpreted, would you randomly approach a college kid at the mall and ask her if she had any fetishes? Or would you maybe cushion your query with some sort of explanation?
Startled, I asked her to repeat her question and she asked again with no clarification. I think I finally said, "just a minute", found the manager and quietly told him that a woman was asking me if we had any fetishes. I was certain he would kick the customer out of the store for perversity or something. Instead he said in a booming voice, "we have lots of fetishes!" as he showed her to our selection of animal statues. Now if someone asks me if I have any fetishes I know exactly what they mean.
