Coffee Table Declarations
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
I'm not quite sure what to tell you about Christmas because apparently discussing my family and their special quirks in my own personal space is somehow offensive to them, even though my readers do not know them and therefore, does it really matter what opinions you form about them? No, I don't think so either, but like I said, some anonymous people who may or may not be related to me might find my stories one sided, fabricated, and let's not forget offensive.
Not that there is anything bad to report about Christmas per se, everyone was generally polite to each other. However, I may be accused of offending someone if I tell you that I am shocked by the fact that my parents allow my 20 year old sister's boyfriend to sleep over. In her bed. I am merely stating my personal opinion of a factual statement, just so we're clear. Last I checked, people were allowed to have opinions and to state them while protecting the privacy of the parties involved. So remember, if you formulate an opinion of my family from this information I will add the disclaimer that my family is a wonderful group of individuals whose many qualities I usually do not choose to highlight here because it just wouldn't make for as much interesting and humorous entertainment. I could tell you how precious my sister is for making personalized place tags for everyone at the table and bringing me a bottle of soda from the kitchen when I was too lazy to get up and get it myself. But I would much prefer to spotlight the twisted fact that my parents allow her boyfriend to sleep over. In her bed.
I hope I'm not inadvertantly insulting anyone if I tell you that my brother, who as I've mentioned before is a very funny person - not an opinion, but a known fact, had us laughing over his descriptions of his quite-possibly-closeted-gay roommate in California. Not that there's anything wrong with that, as they say on Seinfeld. And speaking of Seinfeld, if you ordered the first two seasons on dvd as a Christmas gift for someone and paid extra money to have it delivered in time for Christmas and it didn't show up in time, what would you do? I'm just asking.
Anyway, I rarely laugh as hard as I do around my brother and it makes me sad that he lives so far away but I am happy that he is happy and especially that he is extremely happy with the weather out west (he arrived here the night that it felt like 20 below with windchill and when he left California it was in the 70's.) I am not so happy about the fact that we got an unexpected foot of snow the day after Christmas, but that's beside the point.
I'd like to tell you that my mother did an amazing job cooking not one, but three separate Christmas feasts. Does that offend anyone? Anyone? So anyway food was the major focus of the holidays and judging purely by my family, if I were asked what the true meaning of Christmas is I would tell you it is food. But, oops! Sorry, that might not be very polite of me to say. I should also be honest and add that gifts are a major factor as well.
With my roommate gone for the weekend I told my parents I had to be heading home because there is something I like to do when I am alone in the apartment. This made them look at me with eyebrows raised and when I explained, "I like to play music and sing along really loudly," they said that wasn't too bad of a guilty pleasure. Gee, I wonder what they thought I meant? Surely not to sleep in the same bed with my 20 year old boyfriend. Just kidding, I don't have a 20 year old boyfriend - ewwww, that's way too young for me. But not apparently, for my 20 year old sister so let's not start forming negative opinions of 20 year old boyfriends, o.k.?
The real Christmas miracle will be if I can make it through this post without causing anyone any unintended stress and upset. Because really, I don't mean offense to anyone. Everyone has a crazy family. If you can't laugh about it, well what's the point?
Not that there is anything bad to report about Christmas per se, everyone was generally polite to each other. However, I may be accused of offending someone if I tell you that I am shocked by the fact that my parents allow my 20 year old sister's boyfriend to sleep over. In her bed. I am merely stating my personal opinion of a factual statement, just so we're clear. Last I checked, people were allowed to have opinions and to state them while protecting the privacy of the parties involved. So remember, if you formulate an opinion of my family from this information I will add the disclaimer that my family is a wonderful group of individuals whose many qualities I usually do not choose to highlight here because it just wouldn't make for as much interesting and humorous entertainment. I could tell you how precious my sister is for making personalized place tags for everyone at the table and bringing me a bottle of soda from the kitchen when I was too lazy to get up and get it myself. But I would much prefer to spotlight the twisted fact that my parents allow her boyfriend to sleep over. In her bed.
I hope I'm not inadvertantly insulting anyone if I tell you that my brother, who as I've mentioned before is a very funny person - not an opinion, but a known fact, had us laughing over his descriptions of his quite-possibly-closeted-gay roommate in California. Not that there's anything wrong with that, as they say on Seinfeld. And speaking of Seinfeld, if you ordered the first two seasons on dvd as a Christmas gift for someone and paid extra money to have it delivered in time for Christmas and it didn't show up in time, what would you do? I'm just asking.
Anyway, I rarely laugh as hard as I do around my brother and it makes me sad that he lives so far away but I am happy that he is happy and especially that he is extremely happy with the weather out west (he arrived here the night that it felt like 20 below with windchill and when he left California it was in the 70's.) I am not so happy about the fact that we got an unexpected foot of snow the day after Christmas, but that's beside the point.
I'd like to tell you that my mother did an amazing job cooking not one, but three separate Christmas feasts. Does that offend anyone? Anyone? So anyway food was the major focus of the holidays and judging purely by my family, if I were asked what the true meaning of Christmas is I would tell you it is food. But, oops! Sorry, that might not be very polite of me to say. I should also be honest and add that gifts are a major factor as well.
With my roommate gone for the weekend I told my parents I had to be heading home because there is something I like to do when I am alone in the apartment. This made them look at me with eyebrows raised and when I explained, "I like to play music and sing along really loudly," they said that wasn't too bad of a guilty pleasure. Gee, I wonder what they thought I meant? Surely not to sleep in the same bed with my 20 year old boyfriend. Just kidding, I don't have a 20 year old boyfriend - ewwww, that's way too young for me. But not apparently, for my 20 year old sister so let's not start forming negative opinions of 20 year old boyfriends, o.k.?
The real Christmas miracle will be if I can make it through this post without causing anyone any unintended stress and upset. Because really, I don't mean offense to anyone. Everyone has a crazy family. If you can't laugh about it, well what's the point?
