Coffee Table Declarations
Tuesday, February 17, 2004
Holidays and I generally don't agree. I've been stood up on my birthday, broken up with on Christmas Eve, not to mention sick on Christmas, sick on Thanksgiving (and I don't mean just sick, I mean deathly ill)...
As a matter of fact, I remember the last Thanksgiving we had with my grandfather. My mom and aunt didn't feel like cooking so we got this whole Thanksgiving dinner from a restaurant and all we had to do was heat it all up. They stuck the stuffing in the oven and somehow it caught on fire. I remember my grandfather sitting there with a blanket wrapped around himself, sipping some soup. Meanwhile, all around him was chaos. My mom and aunt were running around trying to put out the fire, I was opening windows to air out the smoke, and my dad was trying to get control of the situation. Next thing you know, I hear him yell, "Somebody get the f@#$%ing baking soda!" This may not sound humorous, but if you knew my dad you'd know that THAT word sounds as alien coming out of his mouth as if I were to suddenly start speaking in an ancient dialect. Oh and I guess baking soda works for putting out kitchen fires. In retrospect we all had a good laugh. Over dinner I asked my dad to pass the soda and he, not listening the first time, said "what?" and I said, "Oh sorry, I meant, would you pass the f@#$%ing soda." Again that may not sound so funny, but swearing in front of my parents sounds as alien as if I were to suddenly start speaking in a foreign tounge.
My experience with holidays has been so lacking, that really, I find them quite disappointing. Surprisingly however, I had a nice Valentine's Day. Dinner was something other than Mexican (for a little variety) and my only regret is that I truly thought I wanted that martini, but unprepared for for the onslaught of unbuffered alcohol at the price of $6, I shouldn't have ordered it. I was stuck drinking a nasty beverage and it just was not worth it. Someone pass the f@#$%ing soda.
As a matter of fact, I remember the last Thanksgiving we had with my grandfather. My mom and aunt didn't feel like cooking so we got this whole Thanksgiving dinner from a restaurant and all we had to do was heat it all up. They stuck the stuffing in the oven and somehow it caught on fire. I remember my grandfather sitting there with a blanket wrapped around himself, sipping some soup. Meanwhile, all around him was chaos. My mom and aunt were running around trying to put out the fire, I was opening windows to air out the smoke, and my dad was trying to get control of the situation. Next thing you know, I hear him yell, "Somebody get the f@#$%ing baking soda!" This may not sound humorous, but if you knew my dad you'd know that THAT word sounds as alien coming out of his mouth as if I were to suddenly start speaking in an ancient dialect. Oh and I guess baking soda works for putting out kitchen fires. In retrospect we all had a good laugh. Over dinner I asked my dad to pass the soda and he, not listening the first time, said "what?" and I said, "Oh sorry, I meant, would you pass the f@#$%ing soda." Again that may not sound so funny, but swearing in front of my parents sounds as alien as if I were to suddenly start speaking in a foreign tounge.
My experience with holidays has been so lacking, that really, I find them quite disappointing. Surprisingly however, I had a nice Valentine's Day. Dinner was something other than Mexican (for a little variety) and my only regret is that I truly thought I wanted that martini, but unprepared for for the onslaught of unbuffered alcohol at the price of $6, I shouldn't have ordered it. I was stuck drinking a nasty beverage and it just was not worth it. Someone pass the f@#$%ing soda.
