Coffee Table Declarations
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
In reference to my previous post, Paul brings up a very good question. He asks why I didn't realize Cafeteria Boy was interested in me. I think this is worth addressing.
There has long been confusion between the genders on what constitutes signals of interest, versus friendliness, versus flirtation, versus attraction. I have heard men complain because often times they are sure that a girl is giving them go-ahead signals and then he witnesses her acting the same way with other guys. In actuality, she thinks she is simply being friendly and (if she is not a manipulative girl with ulterior motives) has no idea how she is coming off.
Now, as far as girls interpreting guys behavior, I cannot speak for all girls. However, I personally would prefer to err on the side of not interested than be disappointed to realize that someone I had my heart set on and convinced myself felt the same way, was really not interested after all. I think this stems from an incident in Junior High which I swore I wouldn't let happen again. Therefore, even if I'm thinking that a guy might possibly be interested in me, I will try to push that thought from my mind. There is another reason for this as well. As soon as you think someone is looking at you in a different way, you become horribly self-conscious and awkward around this person. It is so much easier to interact under the assumption that they could care less. Of course, eventually there might be obvious signals (he asks you out, kisses you, etc.) and of course, if this is someone you're pursuing, it is important to take an open-minded approach that they could potentially be interested, but you need to keep this in check.
When a girl is not interested in a guy and a guy seems interested, it is very easy to say, "oh, he totally likes me", because (and I don't mean to sound awful, but it's true, we all do it) you are not interested for a reason. Obviously you think that you are out of this person's league, therefore, of course they like you. Why wouldn't they? However, there are instances when you'd prefer to believe that this is not the case. Take Cafeteria Boy for example. Were there times that it crossed my mind he might be interested? Sure. But I didn't want him to be. Here was someone I was not interested in and had to interact with on a daily basis. Also, knowing how guys can sometimes misinterpret a girl's friendliness, I didn't want to give him the wrong idea. Not only that, I witnessed him being friendly to everyone so I was more able to convince myself it was innocent. In fact, in that case, I even said to myself something like, "Don't be silly, Katie, not everyone likes you. There are a few guys out there who might be able to resist your charm." Yes, I'm kidding - sort of. In other words, I really wanted it not to be true.
With all of these mixed signals flying back and forth it's a wonder people ever get together at all! Thoughts?
There has long been confusion between the genders on what constitutes signals of interest, versus friendliness, versus flirtation, versus attraction. I have heard men complain because often times they are sure that a girl is giving them go-ahead signals and then he witnesses her acting the same way with other guys. In actuality, she thinks she is simply being friendly and (if she is not a manipulative girl with ulterior motives) has no idea how she is coming off.
Now, as far as girls interpreting guys behavior, I cannot speak for all girls. However, I personally would prefer to err on the side of not interested than be disappointed to realize that someone I had my heart set on and convinced myself felt the same way, was really not interested after all. I think this stems from an incident in Junior High which I swore I wouldn't let happen again. Therefore, even if I'm thinking that a guy might possibly be interested in me, I will try to push that thought from my mind. There is another reason for this as well. As soon as you think someone is looking at you in a different way, you become horribly self-conscious and awkward around this person. It is so much easier to interact under the assumption that they could care less. Of course, eventually there might be obvious signals (he asks you out, kisses you, etc.) and of course, if this is someone you're pursuing, it is important to take an open-minded approach that they could potentially be interested, but you need to keep this in check.
When a girl is not interested in a guy and a guy seems interested, it is very easy to say, "oh, he totally likes me", because (and I don't mean to sound awful, but it's true, we all do it) you are not interested for a reason. Obviously you think that you are out of this person's league, therefore, of course they like you. Why wouldn't they? However, there are instances when you'd prefer to believe that this is not the case. Take Cafeteria Boy for example. Were there times that it crossed my mind he might be interested? Sure. But I didn't want him to be. Here was someone I was not interested in and had to interact with on a daily basis. Also, knowing how guys can sometimes misinterpret a girl's friendliness, I didn't want to give him the wrong idea. Not only that, I witnessed him being friendly to everyone so I was more able to convince myself it was innocent. In fact, in that case, I even said to myself something like, "Don't be silly, Katie, not everyone likes you. There are a few guys out there who might be able to resist your charm." Yes, I'm kidding - sort of. In other words, I really wanted it not to be true.
With all of these mixed signals flying back and forth it's a wonder people ever get together at all! Thoughts?
