I did all my Christmas shopping last Saturday in a grueling four hour stint at the mall. I did it all at once so I wouldn't have to go back. Don't get me wrong, normally the mall is one of my favorite places to be in the whole world. But at this time of year it's just insane. It took half an hour just to park and I didn't even get a good spot. Incidentally, I have long felt that there should be a parking system whereby those waiting for spots pull up to the door of the mall and pick up an exiting shopper. Then they drive them to their spot (therefore eliminating a half mile walk in the cold) and take the spot they vacate and then recieve a ride from them back to the mall door. I'm telling you, it's foolproof. Plus, it would save a good deal of frustration.

Anyway, once I managed to battle my way through the crowd and enter the mall, I embarked on shopping. It was so crowded that there were lines of people waiting to look at the directory. There were no seats left in the food court. There was a mile long queue to see Santa. I made the mistake of venturing into the toy store in search of Hello Kitty paraphenalia for a certain friend. I thought I might be lost forever in the back, hidden behind the floor to ceiling shelves of board games and action figures.

I ended up doing a good deal of my shopping at one store. For myself I purchased something that I view strictly as a necessity and not a luxury item. I desperately needed an upgrade. Isn't it cute? I had a bite to eat and continued on my way.

I was at the mall so long that I started to feel like I was in one of those bad dreams where you can't get anywhere. But I forged ahead, determined to complete my shopping and not give up. Finally weary and broke, I made my way back through the parking lot to my car, only to attract the attention of a vulture fellow consumer who drove alongside me, hand poised over her blinker switch.

And so sums up the heartfelt Christmas tradition known as braving the mall.  ¶ 4:57 PM