Coffee Table Declarations
Wednesday, September 24, 2003
The other night at the grocery store I accidentally ran over my toe with the shopping cart. It hurt so bad that I wanted to scream out obscenities but I didn't. I continued down the aisle, trying to shake it off, but my toe persisted in hurting. I looked down and saw deep red blood gushing across my toe and seeping into my sandel. All kinds of thoughts went through my head like, bacteria, infection, hospital, emergency.
However, I gathered my wits about me and approached the customer service desk. I pasted a smile on my face as I waited patiently behind an old lady trying to decide which two dozen or so scratch tickets to buy. Finally it was my turn and I calmly asked for a band-aid and some rubbing alcohol. The kid behind the counter handed me a small packet of antibacterial ointment and a Sponge Bob Squarepants band-aid that said "oops" on it. I hastily squatted down in front of the booth to attend to my injury. Ointment and band aid applied, I proceeded on my way. I wish I could say Sponge Bob made me feel better. Unfortunately however, if I walked normally, the band-aid got pushed by my sandel and caused painful friction on my toe. Therefore, I had to limp slowly through the remainder of the store.
When I finally got back to my building there was no place to park. I ended up across a busy street and up the block. Not wanting to make two trips, I decided (crazily) that I could get all the groceries at once. As a creepy guy sitting on a parked motorcycle nearby watched lecherously, I dumped my grocery bags out of the car and onto the street. Then I hung them up and down both arms and attempted to limp slowly across the street.
Halfway to my building I had a sinking feeling that I wasn't going to make it. The bags were so heavy and my toe hurt so much, I wanted to collapse on the sidewalk and tell the groceries to go on without me. I'm sure I made quite the comic sight hobbling down the street in a cloud of bags. I did make it of course, into the building and up three flights of stairs. When I counted the bags, there were fourteen total and if I had to guess how much they weighed altogether, I would not be surprised if it was at least half as much as me.
I think I'm going to go back to getting take out every night. It's less dangerous.
However, I gathered my wits about me and approached the customer service desk. I pasted a smile on my face as I waited patiently behind an old lady trying to decide which two dozen or so scratch tickets to buy. Finally it was my turn and I calmly asked for a band-aid and some rubbing alcohol. The kid behind the counter handed me a small packet of antibacterial ointment and a Sponge Bob Squarepants band-aid that said "oops" on it. I hastily squatted down in front of the booth to attend to my injury. Ointment and band aid applied, I proceeded on my way. I wish I could say Sponge Bob made me feel better. Unfortunately however, if I walked normally, the band-aid got pushed by my sandel and caused painful friction on my toe. Therefore, I had to limp slowly through the remainder of the store.
When I finally got back to my building there was no place to park. I ended up across a busy street and up the block. Not wanting to make two trips, I decided (crazily) that I could get all the groceries at once. As a creepy guy sitting on a parked motorcycle nearby watched lecherously, I dumped my grocery bags out of the car and onto the street. Then I hung them up and down both arms and attempted to limp slowly across the street.
Halfway to my building I had a sinking feeling that I wasn't going to make it. The bags were so heavy and my toe hurt so much, I wanted to collapse on the sidewalk and tell the groceries to go on without me. I'm sure I made quite the comic sight hobbling down the street in a cloud of bags. I did make it of course, into the building and up three flights of stairs. When I counted the bags, there were fourteen total and if I had to guess how much they weighed altogether, I would not be surprised if it was at least half as much as me.
I think I'm going to go back to getting take out every night. It's less dangerous.
