Here's a fair warning: this is not going to be a cheery entry. I found something out last night that felt like an emotional equivalent to a punch in the stomach. Or to be more specific, albeit dramatic, I feel like everything I've believed in has collapsed into nothingness.

I've always thought that everything happens for a reason. Maybe someday I'll look back on this with wisdom and be able to say that the experience taught me something valuable. Right now I don't know how that's possible. All I've really learned is that I'm the only one I can trust because I seem to know intuitively what's going on at all times. There are just some things that I'd really rather be wrong about.

All I know is, I have no idea how I'm supposed to get through the next few days at work when I can't even think straight. I have no idea how I'm supposed to smile and say "Fine thanks" when people politely ask how I am, when really, I'm fighting back tears. I feel like all I can do is pray for a sign to show me what in the world it is I'm supposed to do now, because I haven't a clue.

Oh, and to add insult to irony, there's going to be an ice cream sundae party at work this afternoon.  ¶ 9:03 AM