Coffee Table Declarations
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
A woman I work with just described love as a psychosis. That seems apt if the definition of psychosis is a break with reality and drawing upon my vast knowledge of psychology I believe that is the gist of psychosis. On the other hand, neurosis is a distortion of reality and that could apply as well.
Love may be more of a distortion of reality than a break with reality, but as with all abnormal psych, it’s a matter of degree rather than falling on one side or the other. When you spend the majority of your time worrying about the future with a person, wondering what they are thinking and feeling, and waiting for them to call or otherwise acknowledge your existence, isn’t that inflating a small thing into a huge obsession? Is that a break with the reality of your life and a preoccupation with things that don’t exist in real time?
And when you are in a constant state of want and need and spend most of the time agonizing over what will happen, yet the brief time you actually spend with the person still weighs more in your mind and makes the suffering all worthwhile, is that a distortion of the reality of happiness and suffering? And if you can pull off the façade that you are happy-go-lucky, yet inside you are in constant turmoil, which is the real you? When I had no one in my life I was convinced that my life was happy and fulfilling and well rounded.
After experiencing so much happiness in the presence of another person I can glimpse what love is actually supposed to feel like and I wonder how I lived my life in a state of blissful ignorance and I’m terrified that I could never go back after knowing. It’s almost like now, with the panic attacks and the ability to cry at the drop of a hat and the wonderful amazing peace that comes on as strong as any other emotion, it’s as if I’m only now really alive and before I was just numb and walking around with no idea it was possible to feel so many things in such a short span of time. My coworker, who I should mention is single, if that makes any difference in evaluating her wisdom on the subject, says she prefers to avoid love because of the delusion it causes. But I’m a romantic at heart. If that makes me also psychotic, well, so be it.
Love may be more of a distortion of reality than a break with reality, but as with all abnormal psych, it’s a matter of degree rather than falling on one side or the other. When you spend the majority of your time worrying about the future with a person, wondering what they are thinking and feeling, and waiting for them to call or otherwise acknowledge your existence, isn’t that inflating a small thing into a huge obsession? Is that a break with the reality of your life and a preoccupation with things that don’t exist in real time?
And when you are in a constant state of want and need and spend most of the time agonizing over what will happen, yet the brief time you actually spend with the person still weighs more in your mind and makes the suffering all worthwhile, is that a distortion of the reality of happiness and suffering? And if you can pull off the façade that you are happy-go-lucky, yet inside you are in constant turmoil, which is the real you? When I had no one in my life I was convinced that my life was happy and fulfilling and well rounded.
After experiencing so much happiness in the presence of another person I can glimpse what love is actually supposed to feel like and I wonder how I lived my life in a state of blissful ignorance and I’m terrified that I could never go back after knowing. It’s almost like now, with the panic attacks and the ability to cry at the drop of a hat and the wonderful amazing peace that comes on as strong as any other emotion, it’s as if I’m only now really alive and before I was just numb and walking around with no idea it was possible to feel so many things in such a short span of time. My coworker, who I should mention is single, if that makes any difference in evaluating her wisdom on the subject, says she prefers to avoid love because of the delusion it causes. But I’m a romantic at heart. If that makes me also psychotic, well, so be it.
